Loud and Queer

I just spent a week of non-stop fun in the Big Apple!  I was in town for a pharmacist convention…No, I’m not a pharmacists but I find them incredibly attractive and who doesn’t love boys with access to all kinds of pills?

But anywho, I thought I would share with you some hot news from Manhattan club scene!  Hold tight lovelies, this might be a bumpy ride!

The week was started with some terribly sad news.  Legendary club maestro Mark Berkley passed away suddenly on Fire Island.  The famed club promoter and one-time magazine kingpin reportedly had a heart attack  while attending a birthday party.  He was ONLY 57. Besides having thrown some kicking parties over several decades, Berkley was the co-founder of HX Media, the now-defunct gay publishing company that owned the popular nightlife guide HX Magazine and the LGBT news title The New York Blade . For more on this tragic passing, go HERE.

After this shocking news was digested, I had to face another “ghost of clubbing past”…My first NYC nightclub was now a shopping mall! Agh!

NY Mag reports HERE how the old church that housed the incredible LIMELIGHT (Disco 2000 anyone? Party Monster?  Michael Alig? James St. James?) has been turned into a place you can buy baby clothes and paninis.  My God I feel old!

But, even if the place I got my first prostate massage (at 16) is now closed, it doesn’t mean the kids aren’t crawling around on the dancefloor SOMEPLACE!  I spent the entire week working the city to find the HOTTEST parties.  Here is what I can report.

THURSDAY

Fox at Park :  Looking for a foxy little minx to squire some time away with, then check out Park – the restaurant/club that has seen its fair share of man-on-man action in the past. Created by Josh Wood and Jared Needle this is the perfect night for serious cruising! An for you bargain shoppers – free entry and 2-for-1 drinks until 11pm.

FRIDAY

Rockit at Amelia : Boys! Boys! Boys! Two levels and five different rooms of boys in Hells Kitchen’s every Friday. Resident DJ Keo Nozari spins upstairs while drag legend resident DJ Lady Bunny hops around the turntable keeps the boys in the downstairs lounge. Get started early with a full open bar until 11pm, and no cover all night!

SATURDAY
57 at Providence: Bring it on Mama!  The boys are begging to get into this mega dance party – Club 57, at Providence. Each week brings three DJs, live performances and three distinct vibes. Partygoers can expect celebrity performances on the main floor, pop/top 40 downstairs and smooth beats from DJ Lina upstairs. Plus more go-go boys then you can imagine! Honestly! Flesh, flesh flesh flesh!

SUNDAY

Vandam at Greenhouse: Diva Susanne Bartsch and club kid celebrity sideshow Kenny Kenny take control of the eco-themed Greenhouse. The evening features the usual crowd of wacky glamour and grandeur.   It’s a scene, be certain!  But a sexy, sassy and saucy scene that will leave you hungry and hung-over!

Read more: http://newyork.timeout.com/events/clubs/260341/vandam-sundays#ixzz0mbdc1dvt

I travel a lot. I was raised by two circus performers, so I am used to wandering the lonely road. You never know where I will appear actually.  Kalamazoo on Tuesday, Phoenix on Wednesday, Peru on Thursday.  I’m a bit of a gypsy.

When I’m out of town I like to get down to business.  You know what I mean…(wink-wink…)  The best thing about new towns is new boys, new towns mean I can get me some “strange” fun.

This past week, I was in East Bumfuck, South Dickota – population nearly ZERO.  But,  believe it or not, I found a 1800GayLive local access phone number! Ta-Dah!  Sexy time!

I just whipped out my handy-dandy iPhone and opened my 1800GayLive app. (It’s all about the apps people!)  It automatically detected my location and let me click to call. I was on the line chatting with local hunks in no-time. I won’t go into the tawdry details, but suffice it to say it lead me to a VERY direct connection!

Do you have an iPhone? Then you’ll want to download the free 1800GayLive application right NOW!  It makes it simple to find and dial any one of the hundreds of local 1800GayLive access phone numbers! Just go to the iTunes app store and search for 1800GayLive.  Click here to see an application preview. And yes cheapskate, the app is free – so what are you waiting for?

Very often, I meet a hunk on 1-800GayLive that is not only worthy of messing up my sheets, but also so fabu I need to take him out on the town and show-off his fine ass.  I am a social butterfly, so 5 out of 7 days a week I need to hit the gay chat lines and find a handsome fellow to accompany me to some high-profile event.  This week, I’m working the phone lines for a a date for Dining Out For Life.

Thursday, April 29, 2010, an estimated 250,000 people will dine out to fight AIDS in over fifty cities across the U.S. and Canada. Nearly 3,000 restaurants participate in Dining Out For Life, sponsored by my favorite car Subaru, by donating a generous percentage of proceeds from the day’s meals to a local AIDS service organization. Money raised in each city stays in that city. So if you are in Phoenix, the money stays in Phoenix…Etc, etc, etc….

Here is how to participate: Visit www.diningoutforlife.com and make a reservation at a participating restaurant near you on April 29.  Last year I waited to the last minute, and I had to squeeze into my favorite bistro by blowing the busboy.  (Okay, that is gross…)

Now if you are really feeling like an activist, think about volunteering! Contact the Dining Out For Life AIDS service provider in your city to volunteer. Many of the restaurants have “ambassadors” – and many of them are fine looking too.

The little humanitarians at Dining Out For Life are TOTALLY networked too.  You can follow them on Twitter @DineOut4Life and on FaceBook.com/DineOut4Life. Don’t be a loser,  join the world’s largest social dining event, or as they say at Dining Out For Life…TwEAT Out, Fight AIDS!

A lot of us have put HIV/AIDS into the back our minds. “What? Is that still a problem?”  Damn straight it is kids! Facts about HIV/AIDS: In the U.S., every 9 ½ minutes a person is infected with HIV. It’s estimated that one in five individuals (20%) are unaware of his/her HIV infection and may be passing it along to others unknowingly. Nearly 7,500 new cases of HIV infections are reported worldwide each day.  I dunno about you, but this tells me we all have a lot of work to do.  This honestly gives me an excuse to eat a LOT on Thursday!  4 courses and dessert for sure!

Over 20 years old, Dining Out For Life is an international fundraiser involving the generous participation of volunteers, corporate sponsors and restaurants. In exchange for their financial support, restaurants are promoted in an effort to increase customer traffic. Dining Out For Life was ORIGINALLY created by ActionAIDS in Philadelphia, but it was so immensely popular and powerful that now it is held in 50+ cities throughout North America.

So this Thursday, grab a new boyfriend off the hot-n-sexy chat line, head to your favorite restaurant (if they participate) and join me in supporting an amazing cause!

Longtime 4-color publishers Archie Comics STUNNED America this week when they announced they would be introducing a new & gay character named Kevin Keller to its perennial Riverdale cast.   Keller makes his initial appearance in Veronica #202, which will be released, September 1st, 2010. His introduction story is titled “Isn’t it Bromantic”.  Now Archie, Betty, Vernoica, Jughead, and Moose have a pal who can give them fitness tips, advice on fashion, and offer support on manscaping issues. (Moose, I’m looking at you…)

Now this isn’t the first homo to hit the comics world.  That honor probably belongs to Canadian superhero Northstar of the X-men franchise, and lets not forget lipstick lesbian Batwoman who is a high level hitter in Gotham right now.  But, who knew Archie and his pals were so progressive?

Smart move , IMO, by the publishers of Archie…Kids/ teens could  give a flying-fig about your sexuality, I mean look at the shennigans on MTV and Gossip Girl. Gays everywhere!  And all those nascent nellies could certainly use another positive queenie role model. At the same time, I also hope the company introduces at least another gay or lesbian character because two characters creates new opportunities for stories and character development.  Unless Jughead comes out of the closet and starts smooching with this new Kevin fellow.

Check out this groundbreaking work HERE.

I am over-the-moon about this.  The more often we see gay characters in the mainstream, the easier it is for all those adorable future fairies to come out and join us in the big gay dating pool. Archie Comics may seem to be a little low class, but these popular diversions have been publishing for decades!  A gay character in here is a HUGE move of acceptance! Even though Kevin is just a cartoon character, he is a teenager who is unafraid to say that he is gay and this in turn will encourage kids to believe that despite what heterosexist culture teaches, that there is nothing wrong with them. Which makes him SOOOOO much stronger then secretly bisexual Peter Parker…

Back to Archie….One question:  Seriously…Jughead isn’t gay?  Really?  What about Melody from Josie and the Pussycats?  Reggie borders on the nasty end of bisexual stereotypes.  He was always the one I thought was cute…

Our regular advice column this week dives into the always topical and tawdry matters or STDs!  So stop scratching and start reading…

Dear Dick,

Last month I met this great guy through some mutual friends. He’s very handsome, smart, down-to-earth, confident, and treats me with more respect then all my last boyfriends combined. We have been taking it slow, but the physical attraction is mounting and I sent the signal I was ready to jump into the sack (or sling)…Then, tragedy struck…

Prince Charming revealed he comes with some baggage I couldn’t have predicted, an STD.  I was pretty shocked, and he insisted I think it over for a few weeks before we move the relationship any further.  The revelation timed with business jaunt, so I’ve been tossing this around for over a week.

My gut tells me that even if this egg has a slight crack, he’s not damaged goods.  I’m ready to still jump in the sack (or sling), and I find his honesty and compassion to even be more of a turn-on. But, my galpals tell me to dump him like a hot rock, and find a model that has no flaws.

What are your thoughts?

Zeke in Chicago

Dear Zeke,

At the ripe old age of 22, I got a NASTY (but treatable) STD from a boyfriend.  No warning, no compassion, no honesty.  Just a big needle of penicillin in my tiny ass after weeks of doubt, pain, and confusion.  I ran that scrub out of town on a rail, and haven’t seen him since. He did try to FB me once, but I reported him to FB as an impostor.  Yes, I can be bitter.

My best friend, a stand-up slut & wonderful dude, got a case of Herpes from a dishonest duke around the same time.  He has to live with his situation, but he is cautious, clever, and consistent.  None of his post-Herpes paramours have been infected, and he hasn’t lost a smidge of his mega-watt reputation and his phone is always a ringing…

My point is, that HONESTY is the best policy.  Always! I’d take an honest man over an untainted one any day.  Sounds like your lover is a good boy, and he wants to keep your relationship strong and positive.  And in this day-in-age, who are we to judge. By the grace of the Goddess only, do we not all have all kinds of communicable horrors.

And I am no doctor, but I have slept with several.  From what I know, there are very very few STDs that you can contract if you are cautions and alert.  Make every effort medically to prepare and protect yourself, wrap any “offending parts” up a bit, and then ride that pretty pony like its no tomorrow!

Hugs and Kisses,

Dick

Hi! Who are you? How’d you get here? What’s your deal? Are you single? My name is Dick. I’ve been drafted by the gang at 1800GAYLIVE to write a itsy-bitsy blog for you all! I have to admit, I no zippo about blogs. I’m an empathic communicator, and I can talk and talk and talk and talk…But, the policies and procedures around blogs are totally new to me. If I make a faux pas, hopefully you will forgive.

Which makes you probably think, “Where did 1800GAYLIVE  find this moron? What gay chat line did they pull him off of?”

These are excellent questions, and I encourage you to submit them in written format! (Kidding…)

Actually, they really did find me on a gay chat line. I’ve been a devout fan of 1800GAYLIVE for the last several years. In fact, such a devout fan and customer that I’ve wracked up an impressive bill with the gay chat line. Me and their accounting department worked out a nifty deal. I write blog posts, I get free chat time! I said – SWEET!

Now you don’t have to be me to get great deals from 1800GAYLIVE. Check this special out for those of you interested some sexy gay chitty chatty while saving some coin.

Meanwhile, I strongly recommend you stop by everyday to touch base with me and find out what is going on in the world. I’ll be addressing a skillion topics – everything from television to sex to advice (write me with your problems!) and everything around! Hopefully I will be amusing and entertaining, although I can by no way assure you that I will ever spell anything properly or be grammatically correct. Never.

Hugs from your new friend,

Dick!

Hello Baby!

Welcome to the first installment of our ASK DICK blogposts!

These are weekly interludes when I offer the lovelorn, lost, and lonely advice on a wide-range of topics. I ‘m like Dan Savage, but much cuter. You can ask me absolutely anything, as I am a gifted genius with a wide-range of hobbies, knowledge, and source material. Well, just don’t ask me about investment issues. I have no help for you there. I can wing it – but the last person I gave advice to about money is now working at Dunkin’ Donuts.

Today’s question comes from Javier who is e-mailing me from Phoenix, Arizona! Let’s find out what Javier’s problem is…

Dear Dick,

I’m a 22 year-old gay college student in the Phoenix area. I don’t have any gay friends, and most of my sexual activity comes from gay chat lines. I’m not a fan of the club scene, mainly being into outdoor types of sports and recreation.

While sexually, I am more then stratified with the guys I meet on the chat line, I would like to have some gay friends to develop common interests. How do you suggest I meet people?

Thanks

Javier
Phoenix

First off Javier, I’d like to see a picture next time. I can’t possible process the right advice without seeing an image. Shirtless or completely nude preferred, so that I can really get down to the heart of the matter.

Secondly, you have kind of answered your own question. You’ve said that you are scoring on the chat lines sexually, so why don’t you use that as a springboard to develop a social circle? While some of the guys you meet might be of the “Wham, bam, thank you man..” variety – you might also find some of the dudes are looking for some no strings sexual LTR. They might want to shoot some hoops, and hit the sheets. It doesn’t hurt to ask if they’d be interested in going biking before or after you boink. Use the inventory of boys you have already, and move your play out of the bedroom and into the light. If that doesn’t work, consider volunteering at a local LGBTQ service organization, joining a gay softball league, or networking in you college to develop a larger friendship pool.

WOW! I think I just channeled Anne Landers there! That was the most succinct thing I have said in 6 years! I probably burned out half my brain cells, so I think I will close this post on a high-note, before I make a fool of myself.

- Dick

Hand’s down, and without a doubt, Modern Family is the best show currently on television.

While I still love 30 Rock and The Office for laughs, Modern Family is this season’s strongest new show and absolutely the best new sitcom. It’s funny, well written, topical, cute, endearing, fantastically acted, poignant, and most importantly – HYSTERICAL.

The half-hour series, which was created by Christopher Lloyd and Steven Levitan, is a mockumentary that follows the families of Jay Pritchett (Married With Children’s Ed O’Neill), his daughter Claire Dunphy (Julie Bowen), and his super-gay son Mitchell Pritchett (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) who all live in La-la Land. Claire is a homemaker mom in a traditional family, married to Phil Dunphy (the incredible Ty Burrell); and they have three adorable moppetsc. Jay is married to a much younger foreign woman, Gloria (sassy Sofía Vergara), and is raising her pre-teen son and perky son. Mitchell and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) are the gay couple who have adopted a Vietnamese baby, Lily. (Lily gets dressed up like a drag queen by her campy dad, and the tot can work the wigs, honey!)

Now most nights during prime-time I’m sufing the gay chat lines for some tasty treats, so I originally missed this show when aired on televsion. But, thanks to the magic of hulu.com – I’ve been watching it religiously. My favorite episode is MOON LANDING – and you’ll die screaming when you see it. Cal all your gay friend sover and watch that crap cause it is gut-busting funny.

Now I know all of my readers like to be on the tippy-top of the latest trends, so check this show out before it become a nationwide craze and your Uncle Seymour is quoting lines. It is one of those rare shows that will hopefully never get old, but enjoy it now when it is new and fresh.

- Dick

Hey true believers! Thanks for putting down the gay chatline for a few minutes to listen to me ramble. Today’s buzz is music. Lately, I’ve been working on the soundtrack of my life. I’m not going to play the whole album for you today, but I thought I’d share one special song/video with you…

Yeasayer O.N.E. from Paranoid US on Vimeo.

I could watch this music video for hours. It reminds me of when I was a little babe and my au pair taught me how to dance to the Spice Girls by watching their videos in an endless loop.

I am a sucker for future-pop. Shucks, I am a sucker for any kind of pop. This stuff is super-hot in a rave-esque kinda way. Yeasayer is the name of the band. They’re pretty neat, and kind of new-age-ish at times. They helped produce some of Bat for Lash’s last album, so they know their hot licks from their cool beats.

Now, let’s study this video in depth, shall we? First off, the set design is totally cool. Blade Runner meets KIDs Incorporated with some left-over crap from Tron. Way chic! Then, whoever designs Lady GaGa’s frocks really thought outside of the box for the costuming. Spice it up with a multicultural stew of extras dancing like they had good sense, all to a groovy beat! Woo-hoo Mama! And I haven’t even touched on the freaky special effects. Love the production values kids, bravo!

I will also admit, the lead singer’s voice is kicking. He really sells the crap out of the vocals. Plus, I want to wrap myself in his locks and back-up dance with him. If he’s not your type, check out keyboardist – nice manscaped beard their boyfriend.

- Dick

Last month, Sean Hayes (Jack, Will & Grace) shocked the world by revealing he was gay. (Only my blind & deaf grandmother, who understands no English and has never seen television, was shocked by this actually…)

This surprise was only topped by Ricky “Menudo” Martin’s admittance that the Puerto Rican demi-god was Living La Vida Loco…for the peen…(This time, Grandma called it. She smelled “boy” on Martin for years…)

Who’s next?

I suppose we should all applaud any actor who steps out of the closet, but honestly – I don’t care. If you couldn’t tell these two were man-lovers, your gaydar needs an upgrade.

Plus, no offense to either, but the two are kind of has-beens…Or perhaps we should say has-homos. Their gay cruise has sailed. Perhaps if it was the late 90s, we might care. But, then again, if it was the late 90s, they wouldn’t have done it. Are they looking for the “homo-bump” – that fabled and mysterious popularity boost that occurs when a celeb admits to swishing when they should be swooshing? I dunno, I’m not a PR maven.

But…I can’t help but to think what a difference Ricky Martin’s acknowledgement would make if he made it when he was actually still relevant in the pop culture zeitgeist. It says a lot that Ricky (and Sean) wait until they know discrimination won’t affect their earning potential before they come out. Or, they hope it will increase their lagging earning potential. If I think about how this helps the gay fight for rights, I think it is pretty much a wash…

Personally, I’d rather see someone scrumptious (and relevant) like Taylor Lautner admit to some boy-love. Or that adorable Chase Crawford from Gossip Girl! I don’t know if it is my gaydar or my loins that starts buzzing when I see them – but something sure as hell does. Would it be too hard to ask that Tom Cruise-y finally admit that he is gay? Or an alien? Or a radical mixture of both?

So, I’ll offer a tepid congratulations to both Sean and Ricky. A belated congratulations – I know, but I couldn’t really be bothered. I’ve been happily admitting to homosexuality for over a decade, so them being late to the party really never bothered me much. More men for me!

- Dick