Loud and Queer

Bergen County's Finest!

I am sure that like me, so me of you have a thing for men in uniform…

Imagine how hot the fire in my crotch became when I received these pics.

Apparently, they are of the Bergen County Sheriff’s Department….But, I can’t verify that since their website seems to be only about crime stuff.  The boring, non-SVU kind of crime too.  No sexy.

But, I found Sheriff Leo P. McGuire on Facebook, and while a handsome man – he doesn’t look like any of these fellows.

After endless hours of Googling my brain off…I can’t seem to find ANYTHING that verifies who, what, where, when and the how-long of these pics.   

I'm FALLING for you...

They could be fakes.

They could be images of an all gay Sheriff’s Department (I’m moving!), they could be a nice calendar shoot for horny soccer Moms in the Jersey area.  I dunno.  I give up!

You fat donut-eating flatfoot. You make me sick. Gross.

The source who sent these pics is also completely useless.  Sent by a high school girlfriend of mine, she sent them along the “forward” trail, they came from another lonely housewife she gabs with on AOL. (Who uses AOL anymore?  Hello, dated!).  So, I turn to you dear readers…

Fully Loaded!

Don't be shy, come into the frame!

Can anyone shed any light on this little mystery?

Who are these boys?

Why are they running around without shirts?

What is the best crime for me to commit in Bergen to get a chance to suckle on one of their nipples?

So, until we can find out the truth behind these pics – I am content to live in a fantasy world.  I will just imagine that Bergen County has hired the hottest fighting force this side of the X-Men.

Now, I’m off to set a new Honda Accord land-speed record on the New Jersey TurnPike. Are those sirens I hear?

I am a big fan of horror movies.

One of my first boyfriends was the clerk at a small video/DVD rental place back in my hometown. He had dreams of being a movie director, specifically horror movies.  We watched every good, bad and ugly horror movie ever made.  From Dawn of the Dead to Maniac Cop.  I’ve seen them all.  I guess he hooked me on them for life.

Wow! You are flexible!

This weekend, I went with my current trick boyfriend soulmate life-partner paramour and I went to see the hot new screamfest:  The Last Exorcism.  I got in thanks to being a member of the “press’…Seriously! Someone from LionsGate thinks I am press! Free tickets, so who am I to complain!

The movie started out super-spooky, when a a message from director Eli Roth was shown. In his message, Roth pleaded with the audience to take to their Twitter accounts and spread the word. So while I don’t tweet or twat, I figured – I’ll tell all my GayLive Network friends all about it!

Cotton Marcus (Patrick Fabian, remember him from Saved by the Bell: The College Years) is a preacher man who  has become a sad and jaded fraud. He’s spent most of his life using religion to flim-flam people – usually performing exorcisms on people who really needed psychiatric care. In an attempt at redemption, he invites a documentary crew to follow him to his final exorcism. But when they get to the hick-tastic Sweetzer farm, imagine their delight in finding a big old Linda Blair style mess on their hands.
I found the movie pretty damn scary.  Demonic possession is not something I take lightly. Nor is an ingenue (Ashley Bell) impregnated by the Devil – that really shakes the shit out of me.  Still, the movie is NO Paranormal Activity (have you seen the trailer for the sequel?) or Blair Witch Project, but it is damn scary enough to keep you in your seat and snuggled up to your boyfriend. The ending, which you can catch HERE, is the real doozy – with the filmmakers  throwing everything at you in those last 15 minutes. I recommend it, and also suggest that you get a hunky date for it. You want to have someone to snuggle with during those bloody bits.

Also, they even throw in a kinda-cute gay charachter! Spoiler Warning: The gay doesn’t die.  Thank God.

Let’s have a Coming Out Party!  There is a new gay in town!  (And we aren’t talking about former RNC Chair Ken Mehlman)

It looks like a new fresh fag (or at least curious) will soon be a part of Fox’s hit show GLEE. Perpetually single-and-slinky Kurt Hummel is about to get a boyfriend, and it’s going to be the quarterback of the football team. According to E!:

GLEE GETS EVEN GAYER

“Rumors that new cast member Chord Overstreet will play Chris Colfer’s on-screen boyfriend – Sam Evans – appear to be true.”

“They’ve cast him already,” Jane Lynch told us. “He becomes the new star quarterback and he’s going to be Kurt’s boyfriend.”

Sam, will in fact be a protege of super-sexy but still-straight Finn, but eventually the student will surpass the mentor and Finn and the new fairy will become rivals.  Hopefully, a light dusting of some hot hate sex will ensue.  (While I love Colfer’s Kurt, I’m seriously smitten with Finn.
While Lynch couldn’t remember the name of the actor who is playing Kurt’s beau (it’s Chris Colfer by the way), she described the lucky guy as “a good looking kid.”

“He’s tall, boyish with straight blond hair and big fat, pouty lips,” she said.

Boy-oh-boy is Lynch ever right!  Look at this doll! Let’s hear it for the boy!

Glee returns in a new time slot this season… Look for it Tuesday, September 21 2010 at 8:00/7:00c

In just two months, haute and hot music fans will get a gift for their ears!  October, 2010 sees the release of the brand new single “Hands” from The Ting Tings. A work of pure electro-disco heaven, “Hands” is a global shout out to everyone who’s working too hard. (HELLO! ME!) Written, performed & produced by Jules & Katie in their home made studio in Berlin, it is the ultimate salute to all us recessionistas.

The Ting Tings

So, for those unaware – here is the backstory…The Ting Tings launched themselves into the world with their DIY hardcore-pop in 2008 to massive acclaim and success, with their hit singles “That’s Not My Name” and “Shut Up And Let Me Go” along with “Great DJ” selling over 4 million copies worldwide. With their music becoming the soundtrack not only on the radio but also to countless shows and films from “Slumdog Millionaire” to the likes of “Gossip Girl”, The Ting Tings debut album “We Started Nothing” went on to selling over two million copies. They also won the prestigious Ivor Novello Award for “Best Album” in 2009 and received a Grammy Nomination for “Best New Artist”.

After a whirlwind of touring live in the US, Europe and almost everywhere else non-stop for the last two years, The Ting Tings chose to move to Berlin to live and work. Renting out a disused basement jazz club in East Berlin’s Freidrichshain District, they turned it into their own studio, much as they had done back in 2007 when they took up residence in the artist’s haven The Islington Mill in Salford, near Manchester where “We Started Nothing” was made. Spending the winter of 2009 with their music equipment, fairy-lights, pens and gaffer tape and with no TV, no visiting friends, no distractions at all, they wrote, recorded and produced their next album. “Hands” is the first track to come from those sessions.

“Our time in Berlin was a fresh start, with no rules again” explains Jules, “when you’ve had an album that’s been successful, the danger is you go back in the studio, look back and try and emulate it”. “it’d be so lazy and easy to make the same album twice” adds Katie. A blast of the dancefloor monster “Hands” shows they mean what they say – a totally brand new sound from The Ting Tings and an exciting taste of things to come.

Fans can listen to “Hands” by visiting The Ting Tings’ Facebook page.

A remix of “Hands” will also be available as an mp3 download very very soon!

First, let me get this out of the way:  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? I’m spazzing!

Second: this is still Carter -  Dick’s intern.  Dick is back from his boy buffet ont he coast, but a very viral and vicious case of pink eye, typhoid, and the clap have kept him hiding under the covers for a few days.  So, I’m writing the blog again today!

Third: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?  I snarfed my fierce Fiji water when I read about this nonsense! What am I twisted about? Here goes…

I can't smell you!

For those of you who wondered how we could put a man on the moon, but not keep your gross cousin Paul from stinking up the car on cross-country drives with his noxious butt bubbles – your questions have been answered! British scientists (who knew they had any! they sure don’t have dentists!) have finally created a system to keep your stinky fumes from destroying the air and ambiance of any event!

Presenting, SHREDDIES, underwear that keeps the STINK you make under wraps!

I’m no scientist, so here’s what the website says about this miracle product:

Shreddies underwear features a special activated carbon back panel that absorbs flatulence odors. Due to its highly porous nature, the odor become trapped and neutralised by the cloth, which is then reactivated by simply washing the garment.

Activated carbon cloth is used in chemical warfare suits which demonstrates just how effective it is at removing vapors. When it was originally invented, the carbon cloth was a heavy, non flexible woven material, but due to a recent innovation this activated carbon cloth is now a lot thinner and far more flexible, making it ideal for use in the new generation of chemical warfare suits and garments such as our underwear.

The underwear is designed to hug the body to give the carbon back panel a snug fit, forcing all flatulence odours to pass directly through it, allowing you to relax knowing there is no risk of any flatulence odors escaping.

Isn’t this completely insane?  I’m losing my shit!

These odor eliminators come for boys and girls, and in fun and fresh different styles!  For the boys, we have: Boxers, Adjustable Boxers, Hipsters, Briefs, and Hipsters & Boxers with Carbon Wedge!  I’m odoring (whoops, Freudian slip!) ordering several sizes from each kind for many of my chronically squeaking family members.

My FAVORITE part of this website is the testimonials!  So funny they literally made me toot!

Hi Loud & Queer Readers!

My name is Carter, I’m Dick’s intern.  Dick sent me a garbled text message this morning from Fire Island.  I’m not sure how I can explain it, so I’ll give you the direct quote:

“Dick no home right now, call back later…”

JUSTIN!

Yes, he SENT that to me.  I’m assuming he is still Ascending, so I’ve decided that this my chance at the big time and I’m going to write today’s blog installment!  Now, while I am a Fashion Design major at the Memphis Learning Annex, I have been mentored by Dick over the last several months in all things a gay blogger needs to know…So, here is my first blog post!  About my favorite musician!  Justin Bieber!

If your not a Bieber Baby, you might have missed this stunning news! Paramount Pictures, MTV Films, Insurge Pictures and Island Def Jam Music Group have jointly announced that director Jon M. Chu (“Step-Up 2: The Streets,” “Step-Up 3D,” The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers,) and the Magical Elves producing team of Jane Lipsitz and Dan Cutforth (Project Runway, Top Chef) will join forces to direct & produce  Justin’s feature film debut.  My heart is racing so fast! I am so excited!

Scooter Braun, Island Def Jam Music Group Chairman LA Reid, and Grammy winning singer Usher will produce the currently untitled film that will give fans around the world an exclusive VIP backstage pass into the life, loves, lusts, and lady-boys of Justin. OMG OMG!  To make this blockbuster even more busting – Paramount will release the movie in the U.S. on Valentine’s weekend 2011!  Will you be my Valentine, Justin?

“When I was approached about doing Justin’s film, I jumped at the opportunity to tell a story with honesty and heart.  Most people don’t know that his is a true underdog story, and I hope to tell it in a compelling, genuine way, using all source materials available to convey his tale of becoming an icon for this digital age.   This is the story of a new voice continuing the tradition of musicians that defined their generation,” said Director Jon M. Chu.

According to the PR flacks at Paramount – USC alum Chu has been at the helm of several  projects, including the sequel and latest installment of the popular “Step Up” dance franchise, and the #1 ranked original Hulu web-series The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers (The LXD) from Paramount Digital Entertainment.  I’ve never heard of any of these projects, but I know that Justin would ONLY work with the very BEST people.  And, I’m sure Chu is a really nice guy too.  Justin is so friendly, he wouldn’t let a douche do his movie….

Now, I have heard of Magical Elves.  Cause I am a total Project Runway and Top Chef junkie.  I think Tom Colicchio is soooo hot. Since the summer of 2001, Magical Elves has produced hit shows for NBC, Bravo, HBO, Showtime and Oxygen networks as well as produced the cult documentary “Air Guitar Nation”. Creators of some of the most watched reality TV in the last decade, Magical Elves currently has four shows on the air including  Top Chef and Work of Art, Showtime’s The Real L Word and Oxygen’s Dance Your Ass Off.

An Island Def Jam Music Group artist, Bieber is represented by manager Scooter Braun, Nick Styne at CAA and Aaron Rosenberg and Sean Marks at Myman Greenspan Fineman Fox & Light LLP. His first full studio release, My World 2.0, was released in March 2010 and has since achieved huge success; debuting at number one and certified platinum in just 2 months, the album remained number 1 on the charts for four-weeks. He has sold over 5 million albums worldwide to date.  He is my GOD!  My sweet baby-faced God!  Go Justin!

Ready to Ascend?

You have to excuse me if their are a bit more mispelllings in this post then usual, but I’m writing from the back of a bus.

I wanted to update all you readers on this weekends’ fun faggotry. I’m off to America’s Gay Summer Capital: Fire Island Pines!

A few months ago, I was attending the International Blogger Symposium and Raw Bar in NYC.  After spending hours talking about myself with some of the ugliest and fattest internet geeks in the country, I was simply to exhausted to prowl around the bars looking xor meat. Instead, I headed back to my hotel and GayLive Network-ed myself a fresh piece of Chelsea choice!  Not only were we completely secually compatible, but we got along so well he invited me up for Ascension Party Weekend in the Pines!

So, after checking out the web and seeing that this was THE party to be at..I am planes, trains and automobiling it out to the Island.  Us bloggers don’t make too much cash, so I’ve had to slash the transportation costs.  Plus, I bought this darling little bathing suit and it cost me an arm and a leg.

Expect on Monday (or maybe Tuesday or Wednesday – you know how it goes…) to get a full REPORT from this party!  Think of me as your DICK on the scene!  I will spare no indignity or danger to bring you full details of the debauchery!

Who says bisexuality is still trapped in the closet?

Tom Hardy, the handsome British actor from Inception, says “of course” he’s had sex with other guys. Awesome! Me too!

Hardy Boy

Hardy, who nerds may remember as the evil Shinzon, a clone of Captain Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek: Nemesis, or as homo Handsome Bob in Guy Ritchie’s hit Rock’n'Rolla, told the Daily Mail that he  screwed around with men “as a boy.”

“I’m an actor for fuck’s sake. I’ve played with everything and everyone. I love the form and the physicality, but now that I’m in my thirties, it doesn’t do it for me. I’m done experimenting but there’s plenty of stuff in a relationship with another man, especially gay men, that I need in my life. A lot of gay men get my thing for shoes. I have definite feminine qualities and a lot of gay men are incredibly masculine. … A lot of people say I seem masculine, but I don’t feel it. I feel intrinsically feminine. I’d love to be one of the boys but I always felt a bit on the outside. Maybe my masculine qualities come from overcompensating because I’m not one of the boys.”

This hunky actor has also been incredibly honest about his drug and alcohol problems…

Now, I’m of the kind of mind to believe that once you get a taste of the peen – you can never stop the hunger.  After my first night of boy-fun, I’ve been unable to resist the temptation of any fellow.  But, I’m a HUGE homosexual.  Maybe Tom here is just one of those delightful dabblers who flit in and out of faggotry.  I’m fine with that in concept, but I am terribly jealous of the bastard who got to wank around with this hottie.  If you ever want to get busy with a boy again, Mr Hardy, please give ole’ Dick here a call!

If you are anything like me, you get weak in the knees and hard in the crotch every time the video vixens at GayLive Network release one of these smoking hot videos.  I won’t yap away too much, since a picture is worth a thousand words….That would mean, this video is worth a thousand volumes!

No video above?  No problem.  Click here and you’ll be magically transported away!