Loud and Queer

Channing Tatum.

Channing Tatum, Channing Tatum, Channing Tatum.

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My God.

OMG

Sweet Lord, Channing Tatum, you are smoking hot.

And you are EVERYWHERE lately.

Your career is on fire my fine fine friend, and thank heavens for that!

Onboard for 2012, you’ve got  Haywire, The Vow and the  21 Jump Street remake! Yes, I said a remake of 21 Jump Street!  (I can hear that classic theme song by Holly Robinson in my head!)
And don’t forget the sequel-licious   G.I. Joe: Retaliation. Damn the first G.I. Joe sucked balls, but watch it with the sound off and just stare at Channing.  I give it two thumbs (and my erect cocklet) up!

In other Channing silver screen news – my favorite magazine ever – Entertainment Weekly got me all hot-n-bothered over: Magic Mike.  Magic Mike is an upcoming drama film directed by Steven Soderbergh. staring a whole lot of naked boy flesh! (Check out that pic…Growl!)

Synopsis: Veteran male stripper Magic Mike (Tatum) teaches a new male stripper (twinky Alex Pettyfer) how to shake it and rake it in. They get jiggling at  Xquisite (AMAZING name…), which is owned by the former male stripper Dallas (Matthew “Bongo” McConaughey).

ISN”T THAT THE FUCKING HOTTEST THING YOU HAVE EVER HEARD OF?

So in 2012, won’t you join me at the Cineplex?  I’ll spring for popcorn!

Twilight hunk Taylor Lautner claims to be heterosexual, although nobody with working ears or eyes believes him…

When a mock cover of People mag turned up on the internet this week, trumpeting his honesty about his big puffy cock-sucking mouth – people cheered! Jesus, my own Grandmother tweeted it!

But, as happens these days, this bogus “story” was picked up, hastily rewritten and posted on about 80 kajillion websites, EXAMPLE, within minutes.  It’s like the whole world was waiting for him to come screaming out of the closet! Lord knows I was….

All this drama got me thinking… What would (WILL) an interview with Taylor be like when he finally admits to being a butt pirate?  What would it say? What kind of scandalous truth would it reveal?

Well, to satisfy my wacky imagination, I decided to create a completely FICTION interview.  AGAIN, this is FICTION.  None is true!

Loud & Queer: Hello Taylor!

Taylor Lautner: Hey Loud & Queer – I love your website!  I read it every single day!

Loud & Queer: Really? Okay, thanks for sitting down with us…How are you today?  What’s new?

Taylor Lautner: Tired! I was the “courtesy bottom” at a Radical Fairy gathering in Sedona last night. Shit girl, that’s tough work!

L&Q: Ummmmm…. Well, I guess that kinda brings us to our next question….So are the rumors true?

TL: If the rumors are that I am pregnant with Kellan Lutz‘s baby – totes false. I never let that trashy bastard bareback me.  She’s a bottom, anyway…

L&Q: So, I suppose we can infer that you are admitting to being gay.

TL: Absolutely sister. I am a proud cock-sucking, dick-gobbling, butt pirate, friend of Dorothy, rainbow-flag-waiving, ass-munching, pillow-biting, baton twirling, Glee-luvin, Gay Live Network subscribing, Queeny McQueenson, faggoty faggot…With a capital F!

L&Q: What about your high-profile relationships with Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez?

TL: Taylor and Selena are great. Just amazing ladies.  But we were never serious.  Total studio PR move. The suits in charge – who are all gay too – well they get nervous…They don’t think America is ready for a big bouncy power-bottom action movie star.  So, they kinda manufacture these little relationships.  So…Yeah, Selena and Tay-tay were completely fake. Although I did make-out with Selena one night when were were crashing on wine coolers and Oxy…

L&Q: Any upcoming projects you’d like to talk about?

TL: What? You mean like work? Are you crazy? I made millions off those Twilight movies.  MILLIONS!  Who needs to work? I’m going to take the next few months off and spend time getting down to the nitty-gritty of my ever-lovin’ gay-ness!  I’m trampin’ it up girl! Key West, here I come!

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21st century diva, Lady Gaga,  has added a performance clip of “Yoü and I”, from the concert film “Lady Gaga Presents The Monster Ball Tour
at Madison Square Garden”, to her YouTube channel.

Gaga will release a Blu-Ray & DVD copy of the critically acclaimed, Emmy Award winning HBO special:  “Lady Gaga Presents The Monster Ball Tour at Madison Square Garden” that includes exclusive, never before seen footage. Also being released is the album Born This Way The Remix – a 14 track collection of remixes by some of today’s most prominent artists, DJs and producers, including Foster the People, Michael Woods and The Weeknd. The new products are also available in a special package called Born This Way, The Collection, that will include the multi-platinum 17-track record Born This Way, the brand new Born This Way The Remix album and the Monster Ball Tour DVD.

Born This Way, broke the iTunes record for the fastest rise to the # 1 on release day.

The singles from the album, including “Born This Way,” “Judas,” “The Edge of Glory” and “Yoü and I” have sold a combined total of more than 7 million copies in the US alone. The first single from the album, “Born This Way,” set a music industry record by becoming the fastest single in history to reach sales of 1,000,000 copies (five days after its February 11th release). But you all knew that iddin’t you? Cause you all bought 11 copies of it. So did I. I did not steal it from Limewire or Frostwire.  No sir.

Only the 19th single to ever debut at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 (issue date February 26, 2011), the recording was Lady Gaga’s third #1 on the chart. On iTunes, the song debuted at the top spot in 14 countries, including the U.S., and hit #1 in all 23 iTunes stores worldwide its first week out. The singles from the album, including “Born This Way”, “Judas”, “The Edge of Glory” & “Yoü & I” have sold a combined total of more than 6 million copies in the US alone.

In less than three years, Lady Gaga has become a GODDESS! She’s worshiped by millions, adored, fights the fight for gay rights, and has also  earned numerous achievements including five Grammy Awards, two Guinness World Records and the estimated sale of 23 million albums and 64 million singles worldwide. I remember the first time I saw her at an underwear party in Fire Island!  She was playing the Groove.  Can you believe that?

Billboard named her FANTABULOUS both the “2010 Artist of the Year” and the top selling artist of 2010 ranking her as the 73rd Artist of the 2000’s decade. Gaga has been included in Time’s annual “The 2010 Time 100” list of the most influential people in the world as well as Forbes’ list of the “The World’s Most Powerful Celebrities” in the world. Forbes also placed her at number seven on their annual list of the world’s “100 Most Powerful Women.” With over 1.9 billion combined views of all her videos online, Lady Gaga is one of the biggest living people on Facebook with over 44 million ‘likes’ and is #1 on Twitter with over 14 million followers. Lady Gaga is the only artist in the digital era to top the 5 million sales mark with her first two hits.

Also, If you are bonkers for Gaga -  check out this brand new remix of “Bloody Mary” from UK rockers The Horrors, the track appears on Born This Way The Remix.

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Boy, do I feel bad for Justin Bieber’s PR team. Their pussies must be sore from all the media-whoring the kid is going through right now. Honestly, every day Bieb’s is in the news.

First he’s accused of fathering a child. (Did his testicles even drop yet?)

Then dyke country-singer K.D. Lang says he looks like a lesbian and dubs him “hot as shit.”  (Let that one sink in for a few minutes….Disturbing, right?)

Now, The Sun, Britian’s premier tabloid, is reporting that Biebs was partying it up with the gays!.

The UK rag claims after winning two awards at the MTV EMAs on Sunday night, Bieber partied at Kremlin, “Europe’s Hottest Gay Venue,”, in Belfast, Northern Ireland.  DUM-DUM-DUM!  Here is what an inside source whispered:

“Justin managed to shake off the thousands of fans who were following him around the city… He went to the official MTV party at the Europa hotel with his girlfriend Selena Gomez before being smuggled out in secret… The Beliebers were left waiting outside the front of the hotel hoping for a glimpse but he slipped through a side entrance used for kitchen deliveries and later left the same way.”

Honestly, this is great. I love love love love when straighties roam into gay bars. Sure, it makes me a little anxious and jealous – but it is great to see that gay acceptance has grown so much that celebs can shake off the shackles and get down with the homos.  Biebs certainly wouldn’t be the first straight male celeb to have a little fun at a gay bar. My two biggest celeb crushes, Zac Efron and Prince Harry, have also partied in gay joints.  Bring on the straights!  Hope they get a little curious!

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Dear Zach,

Congratulations!  I am so proud of you for taking the bold move to step out of that Hollywood closet, and into the bright, shiny, sweet-smelling world of WEST Hollywood! Welcome! Don’t you feel more relaxed now? More free? Lighter?  Refreshed? God bless you my friend. God bless you!

You told Access Hollywood, “I just felt like it was my time, you know? I felt like it was a week of declarations for me. I’m declaring that I’m gay, I’m declaring that I want to be a serious contributor to the dialogues that are happening in the world right now. The way that I can do that is creatively.”

I remember when we first met. It was San Diego Comic Con 2006.  I was a young, fresh-faced, hot-to-trot little Marketing peep with the SciFi (now SyFy) Channel. You were the big star of Heroes.  Your friend/agent/fag hag was all up in my grille trying to get me to spread them for you. I declined.  Boy, am I regretting it now.
And I’m not regretting it cause your now a multi-millionaire  superstar. NO.  It has nothing to do with the fame, the money, the diamonds, the parties, the piles of pure white cocaine, the beach house, the rent boys, the furs, the Fendi, Prada, D& G, the private jet. NONE OF THAT.  ZIP.

I didn’t find you attractive then.  Too tall. Too dark.  Too NBC.  I hate NBC.  And Jesus, that show Heroes was a mess. I mean – rip off the X-Men much?   I am a HUGE Trekkie fan too – but Spock has never done it for me.  And honestly, you were next to Chris Pine. CHRIS PINE. I’d sell my teeth to give Chris Pine a tongue bath!

No, I regret it now – ’cause I’m so stunned to see a Hollywood actor, especially one with your trajectory, come out of the closet!  It gives me hope!  I have been so depressed lately. It seems like a lot of kids, a lot of sweet, innocent, beautiful kids, end up in the news everyday dead.  DEAD.  Not sci-fi dead, but dead DEAD.  Dead ’cause they took their own life.  Bullied to death. Hated to death. Different to death.

The gay kids, they need to KNOW it is okay.  They need to know you can be rich, handsome, successful, and loved and BE GAY.  You don’t have to spend your life hiding, or being taunted, or being ashamed. They need to know. And while I don’t consider actors as role models (EXCEPT Mickey Rourke) -

“Other actors are not my concern,” he says. “That’s their life and that’s their journey. Everybody has to get to a point in their own time in their own way. The thing that I’m most proud of in this entire situation is that’s exactly how I did this. It was on my terms, in my own words, and I’m really grateful for that.”

Good for you Zach.  Thanks for coming out. Thanks for being honest. Thanks for being inspirational. And thanks for being you.

And, if you wanna sleep with me NOW – I’m free!

Sincerely,

Dick!

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Kellan Lutz is one hot piece of man!  We’ve discussed before (Here AND here!) our hard-on for this handsome fellow, so we were delighted when the queerlings at Men’s Health threw him up on their cover and treated us with a little interview. Must reading!

The most startling thing – besides that Kellan didn’t list me as his husband – was some interesting dietary info Kellan shared with us! While his gorgeous angel-like face may be the work of genetics, his tight muscular build takes a bit more sculpting.

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“I would love to be a gay icon,” said British actor Tom Cullen.

Cullen one of the two leading men starring in first-time director Andrew Haigh’s “Weekend“, just might get his wish.

“Weekend” has caught the attention of critics and audiences, garnering amazing reviews and a lot of buzz. It’s a gay, British movie from a fresh director (Andrew Haigh) and two lead actors you’ve probably never heard of (Cullen and Chris New). The story is about two chaps who hooks up at a bar for what they think will be a one-night stand, but turns into a weekend of realistic, emotional and thoughtful ups and downs. What could have been another trite and staid one-night-stand movie is an amazing character study.  Haigh takes the relationship between Cullen’s and New’s characters over a course of two  (lite) drug- and drink-filled days where conversation and quips are key.  We learn a lot about our boys, and see a bit too much of ourselves in these young chaps.  That is what makes Weekend stand-out. After creating buzz at and winning prizes at SXSW and Los Angeles’s Outfest, Weekend opens in New York on Sept. 23, Los Angeles on Sept. 30, and then has a limited nationwide release starting Oct. 7. Check out their FaceBook page HERE.

Cullen explains: “The film is a document of guys over the weekend. Guys always spend the weekend in their underwear.”

The handsome, sexy, liquid brown-eyed, strong-browed Welsh actor is bound to become a gay icon, with his amazing portrayal of  Russell, a “smoldering lifeguard.” Russel hooks up with Glen (New’s character), “an aspiring artist damaged from a previous romance” in several very graphic, seductive, intensely raw sex scenes.

“I think that the reason the sex scenes seem so graphic is because you feel like you’re watching a real relationship-it’s almost voyeuristic,” Cullen told the editors of Paper (September 2011).

The 25-year-old, straight Cullen who like his queer costar, Chris New, come from an already impressive vitae of stage credits but acted on screen for the first time, admitted that he and New became immensely close after the intensity of shooting the love-at-first-story.

“I’ve fallen head over heels in love with Chris as a person,” he told the editors of OUT (September 2011). His “standout performance” according to a majority of reviewers has catapulted Cullen’s career where he is currently in Budapest shooting “World Without End,” a television miniseries, starring Cynthia Nixon and Peter Firth.

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Who doesn’t truly adore “Dean of Drag” RuPaul?

He has been a model, actor, singer,  television show host (his first show on the Oxygen Network was really excellent and entertaining, but somehow never got any ratings), author ( “Lettin’ It All Hang Out” and “Workin’ It! RuPaul’s Guide to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Style“).

His most recent successes is the double whammy of popular reality TV shows, “RuPaul’s Drag Race” & “RuPaul’s Drag U,” both on the super-gay Logo Cable Network.

Now, did you know that RuPaul was the product of a traditional summer camp some 40 years ago (the drag diva is now 50)?  Seems it was at camp that the future SUPERSTAR learned all the basics of performance!  RuPaul shared a conversation about summer camps with singer/songwriter Lisa Loeb of “Stay (I Missed You)” fame.

“It was a time where I got to do everything that was fun. You know, I got to play guitar; I learned to finger pick. We got to make up skits and perform them live in front of people. I think that it was one of the first places I performed as an individual, instead of always as part of a group . . . what really, really emerged was a certain sense of independence, of being away from the parents and having an identity outside of the family . . . I’m just remembering that that sense of magic I had at camp. Of understanding that you can create magic wherever you go, just even based on how you look at something or what you call something or singing songs or just creating a different world.“

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Oh Jonathan Taylor Thomas….

Man, did I used to have a hard-on for this kid or what?

But, I wasn’t alone, was I, America?

Everyone loved JTT! He was our generation’s David Cassidy! He was the KING of TigerBeat when I was growing up!  What gay kid with any sense would even watch Home Improvement? It was totally TOOL time – nothing on that show for the fashionable young queerling, EXCEPT JTT!  Adorable!

Then, after taking on a number of roles in such films as Common Ground and Speedway Junky, where that randy JTT played  gay characters, I was convinced he was a big homosexual!  He’d clearly come out of the closet, keep rising to the top – and take all of us gays on a glittery ride to acceptance! And again, I wasn’t alone!

Rumors began to surface all over the press  that JTT was gay. He was young, twink-licious, wasn’t banging the crap (publically) of Hollywood starlets, and he was appearing as a gay character in some flicks. CLEARLY A FAG!  Tongues wagged allover the gossip rags about JTT’s sexuality.  Was he? Wasn’t he? Would he? Could he? Should he? He denied these reports in a delicious interview with gay-lesbian magazine The Advocate.  I am sure his agent was happy, but ME (and millions of hard gay tweens) were heart broken!  JTT we wanted you to be gay!

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JTT was a little less in the spotlight after he left Home Improvement.

He had a guest role on  8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter in early 2004, and appeared in  Smallville in 2002 and 2004. In 2005, he had a guest role in high school snoop drama Veronica Mars, and was also featured on The E! True Hollywood Story‘s show on Home Improvement.  But, all this was petty low-key.  Soon, he completely faded from my lustful thoughts, and from the limelight!

Until today!  I have a a Google Alert actually set up for JTT!  I do!  So if he is even mentioned, tweeted, or seen anywhere on the big interweb – I find out about it.  So today, I was delighted to find out that it was JTT’s birthday! WOO-HOO!

It should be a national holiday!

A NATIONAL HOLIDAY!

I spent all day, Jonathan’s birthday, trying to track down any details on JTT. Like what the hell he is doing these days…But, I can’t find a thing! A thing!

So dear readers, can any of you help?  Give me a birthday gift on JTT’s birthday.  Tell me what he is up too!