Loud and Queer

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Do you read The Advocate?

The long-beloved gay rag is always on the cutting edge of homo journalism, sassy celebrity dish, and tawdry and trashy lil tales.  I suppose it also has a bit of political intrigue and social stories – but as a self-centered sex addict, I don’t bother to read THOSE articles.

The latest issue has a juicy little story.  Seems that the Advocate’s star muck-raer, Brandon Voss (formerly of HX) has found another target for his gay exposee.

Voss, clearly diving past the PR bitch,  asks Nick Jonas if he’s a big homo!

No lie!

Well, he didn’t put it exactly LIKE that, but I can read the subtext. Jonas claims he is not a butt pirate, though:

“The amazing thing about our fans is that they’re incredibly supportive about everything that we do, but I have to separate us from the equation because the three of us aren’t gay. If someone in our position came out, I’d hope that support would carry over and that their fans would love them just the same.”

Isn’t that sweet?  Nick just loves the homos!  Just like Jesus! Seriously:

“My upbringing was faith-based, but we believed you should love all others as you want to be loved, because everyone should be treated equally. That’s helped me have an understanding of people on different journeys and in different walks of life. At the end of the day, we’re all the same, because we all want to be loved.”

Then Nick begins to open up about his feelings on gay getting hitched:

My thoughts on gay marriage are that everyone has the right to love and be loved, and that’s the position I take.

Did you also know, that Jonas he has a TON of gay friends! He’s a regular fag stag! (Do people still use that phrase? Never took, did it?)  Jonas should have some queer chums, he’s been working for Disney (GAY!) for years and is now dancing with the queens on Broadway in “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.” In fact, the gays are Nick’s FAVORITE fans:

“My brothers and I totally look forward to meeting them, because they really respond to our style, and it’s cool to see how our influence has impacted what they’re wearing. They also give really good gifts at our meet-and-greets — hats, scarves, and other things. They always have good taste.”

Twilight hunk Taylor Lautner claims to be heterosexual, although nobody with working ears or eyes believes him…

When a mock cover of People mag turned up on the internet this week, trumpeting his honesty about his big puffy cock-sucking mouth – people cheered! Jesus, my own Grandmother tweeted it!

But, as happens these days, this bogus “story” was picked up, hastily rewritten and posted on about 80 kajillion websites, EXAMPLE, within minutes.  It’s like the whole world was waiting for him to come screaming out of the closet! Lord knows I was….

All this drama got me thinking… What would (WILL) an interview with Taylor be like when he finally admits to being a butt pirate?  What would it say? What kind of scandalous truth would it reveal?

Well, to satisfy my wacky imagination, I decided to create a completely FICTION interview.  AGAIN, this is FICTION.  None is true!

Loud & Queer: Hello Taylor!

Taylor Lautner: Hey Loud & Queer – I love your website!  I read it every single day!

Loud & Queer: Really? Okay, thanks for sitting down with us…How are you today?  What’s new?

Taylor Lautner: Tired! I was the “courtesy bottom” at a Radical Fairy gathering in Sedona last night. Shit girl, that’s tough work!

L&Q: Ummmmm…. Well, I guess that kinda brings us to our next question….So are the rumors true?

TL: If the rumors are that I am pregnant with Kellan Lutz‘s baby – totes false. I never let that trashy bastard bareback me.  She’s a bottom, anyway…

L&Q: So, I suppose we can infer that you are admitting to being gay.

TL: Absolutely sister. I am a proud cock-sucking, dick-gobbling, butt pirate, friend of Dorothy, rainbow-flag-waiving, ass-munching, pillow-biting, baton twirling, Glee-luvin, Gay Live Network subscribing, Queeny McQueenson, faggoty faggot…With a capital F!

L&Q: What about your high-profile relationships with Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez?

TL: Taylor and Selena are great. Just amazing ladies.  But we were never serious.  Total studio PR move. The suits in charge – who are all gay too – well they get nervous…They don’t think America is ready for a big bouncy power-bottom action movie star.  So, they kinda manufacture these little relationships.  So…Yeah, Selena and Tay-tay were completely fake. Although I did make-out with Selena one night when were were crashing on wine coolers and Oxy…

L&Q: Any upcoming projects you’d like to talk about?

TL: What? You mean like work? Are you crazy? I made millions off those Twilight movies.  MILLIONS!  Who needs to work? I’m going to take the next few months off and spend time getting down to the nitty-gritty of my ever-lovin’ gay-ness!  I’m trampin’ it up girl! Key West, here I come!

Tom Goss, a handsome, gay singer-songwriter who is always in heavy rotation on my iPod.

Having basically raised myself, I respect a good-looking self-made man. Goss is a self-promoted and self-distributed artist, who’s first album, “Naked Without,” was music to my ears.  Plus, it came with a provocative but tasteful image of him in the nude!  Talk about knowing your market!

Goss will blow you away with songs like  “Lover” (the video features a wounded gay soldier dying in combat while his male life partner waits for his back home) and “Turn It Around” one of the tracks on his third full-length album where he sings about Mike, his husband in real life.

Goss, “the accidental activist,” a current resident of Washington, D. C., whose outspokenness on deeply important themes is “almost entirely due to circumstances rather than design.”

He explains: “I’ve always been interested in social justice. I was training to become a priest, and I wanted to do a lot of social justice work and reconciliation stuff. But since I’ve been doing music and in the midst of the LGBT community in that regard. I’ve done a couple of different projects.”

Most his songs reflect his own place in time and space, like “Til the End.”  Released in 2009 on his “Back to Love” album,  which many of his fans felt was a highly charged and socially conscious album – even political.

“Honestly . . . it wasn’t political . . . More than anything, I started writing about love. I married my husband . . . and it’s been amazing, healing, empowering, strengthening, and everything you want it to be.”

Other popular songs like “Who We Are” and “The Politics of Love,” but he primarily wails about love. “I mean, when you think about love, do you think about a male physique? No, you think about beauty. You think about tenderness, you think about compassionate-you think about warmth.“

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Ahhhhh, lazy Sunday.

After a long Friday (sometimes, starting on Thursday) and Saturday of partying, dancing, necking, and general glamorous gay happenings…On Sunday, I tend to cuddle up on the coach with take-out and my iPad.  Depending how long (wink-wink) the weekend has been, I might go to brunch.  But always, ALWAYS, I use the day to catch-up with celebrity gossip, news, and political updates. (I love the McLaughlin Group)

So to help all of you have a super Lazy Sunday, I’ve culled the best internet sites in the world for the most important GAY news!

Unless you were live under a ROCK, then you’ve heard about the terrible fire on Fire Island. Here is some of New York’s biggest homosexuals remembering all their drug-induced fun…

Lady Gaga is getting another word from the gays. Ho-hum…

Shane Stevens: He’s gay! He’s a country & western singer! He’s got a reality show! Who’s watching?

A bill that will give gay federal workers full benefits has been reintroduced! Hooray!

Yvonne “Miss Dixie” Fasnacht, the quirky owner of two infamous New Orleans gay bars died last Sunday at 101.

So there you go my little gay darlings!  Some juicy, informative, and need-to-know news for you this lovely Sunday!  Now if that is also not enough to keep you stimulated, hop onto your phone and cruise Gay Live Network!  Interact with people! Find a boy to snuggle with tonight!

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21st century diva, Lady Gaga,  has added a performance clip of “Yoü and I”, from the concert film “Lady Gaga Presents The Monster Ball Tour
at Madison Square Garden”, to her YouTube channel.

Gaga will release a Blu-Ray & DVD copy of the critically acclaimed, Emmy Award winning HBO special:  “Lady Gaga Presents The Monster Ball Tour at Madison Square Garden” that includes exclusive, never before seen footage. Also being released is the album Born This Way The Remix – a 14 track collection of remixes by some of today’s most prominent artists, DJs and producers, including Foster the People, Michael Woods and The Weeknd. The new products are also available in a special package called Born This Way, The Collection, that will include the multi-platinum 17-track record Born This Way, the brand new Born This Way The Remix album and the Monster Ball Tour DVD.

Born This Way, broke the iTunes record for the fastest rise to the # 1 on release day.

The singles from the album, including “Born This Way,” “Judas,” “The Edge of Glory” and “Yoü and I” have sold a combined total of more than 7 million copies in the US alone. The first single from the album, “Born This Way,” set a music industry record by becoming the fastest single in history to reach sales of 1,000,000 copies (five days after its February 11th release). But you all knew that iddin’t you? Cause you all bought 11 copies of it. So did I. I did not steal it from Limewire or Frostwire.  No sir.

Only the 19th single to ever debut at #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 (issue date February 26, 2011), the recording was Lady Gaga’s third #1 on the chart. On iTunes, the song debuted at the top spot in 14 countries, including the U.S., and hit #1 in all 23 iTunes stores worldwide its first week out. The singles from the album, including “Born This Way”, “Judas”, “The Edge of Glory” & “Yoü & I” have sold a combined total of more than 6 million copies in the US alone.

In less than three years, Lady Gaga has become a GODDESS! She’s worshiped by millions, adored, fights the fight for gay rights, and has also  earned numerous achievements including five Grammy Awards, two Guinness World Records and the estimated sale of 23 million albums and 64 million singles worldwide. I remember the first time I saw her at an underwear party in Fire Island!  She was playing the Groove.  Can you believe that?

Billboard named her FANTABULOUS both the “2010 Artist of the Year” and the top selling artist of 2010 ranking her as the 73rd Artist of the 2000’s decade. Gaga has been included in Time’s annual “The 2010 Time 100” list of the most influential people in the world as well as Forbes’ list of the “The World’s Most Powerful Celebrities” in the world. Forbes also placed her at number seven on their annual list of the world’s “100 Most Powerful Women.” With over 1.9 billion combined views of all her videos online, Lady Gaga is one of the biggest living people on Facebook with over 44 million ‘likes’ and is #1 on Twitter with over 14 million followers. Lady Gaga is the only artist in the digital era to top the 5 million sales mark with her first two hits.

Also, If you are bonkers for Gaga -  check out this brand new remix of “Bloody Mary” from UK rockers The Horrors, the track appears on Born This Way The Remix.

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Boy, do I feel bad for Justin Bieber’s PR team. Their pussies must be sore from all the media-whoring the kid is going through right now. Honestly, every day Bieb’s is in the news.

First he’s accused of fathering a child. (Did his testicles even drop yet?)

Then dyke country-singer K.D. Lang says he looks like a lesbian and dubs him “hot as shit.”  (Let that one sink in for a few minutes….Disturbing, right?)

Now, The Sun, Britian’s premier tabloid, is reporting that Biebs was partying it up with the gays!.

The UK rag claims after winning two awards at the MTV EMAs on Sunday night, Bieber partied at Kremlin, “Europe’s Hottest Gay Venue,”, in Belfast, Northern Ireland.  DUM-DUM-DUM!  Here is what an inside source whispered:

“Justin managed to shake off the thousands of fans who were following him around the city… He went to the official MTV party at the Europa hotel with his girlfriend Selena Gomez before being smuggled out in secret… The Beliebers were left waiting outside the front of the hotel hoping for a glimpse but he slipped through a side entrance used for kitchen deliveries and later left the same way.”

Honestly, this is great. I love love love love when straighties roam into gay bars. Sure, it makes me a little anxious and jealous – but it is great to see that gay acceptance has grown so much that celebs can shake off the shackles and get down with the homos.  Biebs certainly wouldn’t be the first straight male celeb to have a little fun at a gay bar. My two biggest celeb crushes, Zac Efron and Prince Harry, have also partied in gay joints.  Bring on the straights!  Hope they get a little curious!

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Who doesn’t truly adore “Dean of Drag” RuPaul?

He has been a model, actor, singer,  television show host (his first show on the Oxygen Network was really excellent and entertaining, but somehow never got any ratings), author ( “Lettin’ It All Hang Out” and “Workin’ It! RuPaul’s Guide to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Style“).

His most recent successes is the double whammy of popular reality TV shows, “RuPaul’s Drag Race” & “RuPaul’s Drag U,” both on the super-gay Logo Cable Network.

Now, did you know that RuPaul was the product of a traditional summer camp some 40 years ago (the drag diva is now 50)?  Seems it was at camp that the future SUPERSTAR learned all the basics of performance!  RuPaul shared a conversation about summer camps with singer/songwriter Lisa Loeb of “Stay (I Missed You)” fame.

“It was a time where I got to do everything that was fun. You know, I got to play guitar; I learned to finger pick. We got to make up skits and perform them live in front of people. I think that it was one of the first places I performed as an individual, instead of always as part of a group . . . what really, really emerged was a certain sense of independence, of being away from the parents and having an identity outside of the family . . . I’m just remembering that that sense of magic I had at camp. Of understanding that you can create magic wherever you go, just even based on how you look at something or what you call something or singing songs or just creating a different world.“

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The Queen of Latin Pop, Gloria Estefan is back with her 26th album, Miss Little Havana, the international star’s first English language release since 2003’s Unwrapped, and her debut for Universal Music Group,  available at iTunes . The Cuban-born, Miami-raised performer has sold a remarkable 90+ million albums worldwide and earned seven Grammy awards since debuting as the front woman for what would become the Miami Sound Machine.

With her collaborator and producer Pharrell Williams, Estefan’s Miss Little Havana represents a musical and conceptual return to her Latin dance-floor roots on smashes like “Conga”. The first single, “WEPA,” which loosely translates into a “Wow” moment, is a propulsive combination of the classic Miami beat updated for modern times, what Estefan calls “a straight-up Dominican meringue groove over a cool urban Pharrell sound, buttressed by honking trombones straight from a Little Havana street party.”

“It’s a celebration of dance,” says Estefan, and, by extension, Miss Little Havana, which takes its theme from the first nine songs she worked on with Pharrell, telling the story of a 17-year-old girl who comes to the big city looking for freedom and romance, only to find heartache and betrayal. “Dancing is one of the things that unite us, regardless of age, background or social standing. You can have just as much fun on the dance floor as any millionaire.”

Gloria Estefan’s accomplishments transcend the music and entertainment business. She’s a humanitarian—her Gloria Estefan Foundation promotes good health, education and cultural and she’s helped raise more than $40 million with Miami Project to Cure Paralysis, creating the world’s largest and most comprehensive spinal cord injury research facility in the Lois Pope LIFE Center—and a best-selling children’s author, with two books based on the life and adventures of Noelle, inspired by and named after her real-life beloved English bulldog. She’s also the first Cuban-American to become a minority share-holder in an NFL franchise, with a stake in her hometown Miami Dolphins. Earlier this year, Estefan received Billboard’s Spirit of Hope Award for philanthropic work with her Foundation.

Miss Little Havana herself has grown up to become an international Latin music icon, and her latest album shows she’s still growing, a tribute to those “who work all day, then dance all night” to this soundtrack of a lifetime.

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“Let’s play something that really cooks!”

If you don’t remember that Back to the Future reference, it doesn’t matter… because these guys are The Really Cooks!

Who are  The Really Cooks? Okay, hold on for this one…They are a half-human, half-cartoon (CRAZY! Right?)  band that creates an alternate world filled with kings, chefs, and lemons that regale you with story and song!  Like Barney, but for adults.  Their music combines harmonic elements that resemble Queen and The Beach Boys, but they still manage to keep an original psychedelic sensibility.

The Really Cooks is comprised of Josh Band (keyboard/vocals), Pete Band (guitar/vocals), King Alon (bass/vocals) and Dr. Lemonade (drums). Their debut album Dr. Lemonade Stand is a enchanting blend of outrageous stories and psychedelic throwback rock, recounting tales of evil villains, beautiful insects, and oceanic adventures. It’s like if H.R. Pufnstuf was even MORE trippy and weird. Dr. Lemonade Stand was record at Milkboy Studios and will be released in November 2011.They are releasing two songs to the public on Thursday, September 15 (Mr. Badman / Mr. Carlisle). Have you checked them out yet? Why not, slag?

Hurry up and get to it! Welcome to the whimsical world of The Really Cooks!

Visit their website here, and hear their music here!