Loud and Queer

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We’ve seen men in tights, short shorts, murses…Remember the hideous mankini?

Next up in outlandish new trends for men? Crop tops! Designers Calvin Klein and  Frankie Morello debuted some tummy-exposing tees, hoodies, jackets etc. on the spring 2011 runways.

The last time we really saw the crop top on men was in the fashionable and flamboyant 80′s! God, those were the days. Boys could show off their navels and women could wear shoulder pads. The 80′s were a WONDERFUL time! I was only three years-old, but I clearly remember it being amazing.

Now before you boys all starting chopping off the lower 4 inches of your tees… You better be RIPPED!  The crop top is NEVER the wardrobe piece for anyone with body fat. (Yes, ladies – real women – I am also speaking to you too!) There should be absolutely NO fat rolls on you if you are going to be showing off the belly.  Which brings me to my major issue with these delightful little tops.

First off…Can crop tops ever be masculine? Do these scream ‘Queenie Bottom‘? If they do, then I’m sure I’ll still be wearing one – but I can’ see these being embraced by the entire boy community. But, I am digressing…Back to body issues.  These are truly tops made to make us all feel bad about the ice cream sandwich we just sucked down.

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Attention sporty gays, we have something for you! A few posts back we gave you a gay giftbag idea for the gay fanboys you might know.  Now, its time for those super-masculine, ultra macho softball players!

A few of the teams from the Greater Los Angeles Softball Association have rounded up their hottest players for a 2011 calendar, with all proceeds going to benefit the teams and the AIDS Project Los Angeles Necessities of Life program.

The teams are engaged in a competition to see who can sell their boy pussies the most copies.  Since I only drop by LA to hit the Abbey and get some botox, I could honestly give a crap who is on what team.

But at the end of the day, all money raised goes to benefit a worthy cause – and gives me plenty of eye candy. I’m giving all my female cousin’s on my step-mom’s side one of these! Aunt Ginny is going to cream her mom jeans!

Click here to order a copy.

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I am not ALWAYS a huge fan of boys wearing Speedos, or any kind of banana-hammock. Too often, they just don’t have the body for it. I think if you are going to wear a skimpy bathing suit - you should have to have a fully body-fat, body-hair, and penis analysis before you are allowed to strut it on the beach. I’m just saying.

Now, I fully support ANY swimming professional in a skimpy. THONGS for all of them! Swimmers have the hottest little hairless bodies, with rippling muscles and that faint scent of chlorine.  Ahhhhhh…..When it comes to sports, if I can’t have a soccer player, I’ll be a whore for  pool boy.  Lordy…

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Do you know what makes me happy? Besides eating a hoagie while getting rimmed?   Porn!  You know what else makes me giddy?  Besides reruns of The Cobsy Show?  Reality TV!

So today, I am ecstatic!  I feel like I am eating a hoagie while getting rimmed and watching the Cosby Show!

It appears that Dustin Zito, a star of the gay-for-pay site Fratmen under the alias Spencer, is going to be a cast member of   The Real World: Las Vegas!

The Real World: Las Vegas is the upcoming 25th season of MTV’s  The Real World, so maybe they are blowing out all the casting stunts to make the anniversary super-special.  Perfect! Send in the porn stars!

You may recall that Las Vegas held a previous season – and that was a complete shitshow.  The twelfth season, which aired in 2002, featured some of the greatest sluttery, crystal meth-ed up behavior, and general tomfoolery that I have ever seen…And I have seen it all! The last season in Sin City had that horrible skank Trishelle…She set womanhood and feminism back decades.  Now, MTV found someone to do it for the gay’s!  Hooray! But enough about the show, back to the meat…

Zito / Spencer is a 24-year-old Louisiana native and Lamar University grad.  While most of us put ourselves through college by working at the Gap or as cater-waiters, Zito dove into gay porn to pay for his tuition and books.  God bless the child that helps himself!  Spencer/Zito has been part of the Fratpad community since the site’s launch four years ago, reports DTO.  Also – for more INCREDIBLY NSFW posts of Spencer/Zito check out this WayBig post.

Zito’s exact sexuality is a bit up in the air.  Is he gay?  Gay-for-pay?  Bisexual?  His Facebook profile doesn’t give much up. It doesn’t scream gay to me – unless you include that fact that one of his activities is GENTLMEN.  What the hell does that mean? Why don’t I have that as an activity?

I have to give MTV some mad props though. This little casting wrinkle will certainly get me to tune in!

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Halloween can bring out the slut in everyone, can’t it?

Honestly, it is the only day of the year we really completely cut loose and dress like a complete tramp.

Have you seen what women wear? Seriously? Have you?  I can’t – since women don’t even show-up on my screen.  I bump into them all the time at Victoria’s Secrets. I never see them!

The Halloween slutification effect isn’t limited to just the gyno-crowd. Men too can get slutty. My straight brother consistently finds a way to smash his junk into any kind of tights he possible can…Peter Pan? Done. Wrestler? Twice. Superhero? Every other year.

Gay men are extremely susceptible to Halloween’s call of skin. I am the biggest culprit. I rack my brain every year to figure out how I can go out in my underwear with some body paint. Doesn’t matter what – just keep me nearly naked.  Please.

Celebrities aren’t even immune. Well, unless they are Scientologists. But, the C to D list celebs really drop their Levi’s and get slutty.  For example, here is Trace...

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Trace is a character on Bravo’s Flipping Out.  If you haven’t seen it – I thought this season sucked – so you aren’t missing much. Unless you like watching weird gay guys argue about designing bathrooms.  Sounds like my ex-boyfriend.  Trace is normally dressed pretty dapper for a young gay. I give him credit, kid looks good usually.

Well, above, you can see Trace really cuts loose on Halloween!  Bravo (Punny!) Trace! If you honestly had the courage to walk out of your house dressed in this – and ONLY this – I want to give you a big hug.  A long big hug, so long you won’t even notice how my hands slide down your back to those little twink mellons.  And if you did notice, you wouldn’t care.  I know what you are saying with this outfit Trace.  It says “I am a power-bottom looking for a slightly sporty guy to go for the touch down in my mangina.”

Here to your right, you can see how Trace dresses for work.  And for his Facebook page.  Dapper right?  Although take a hint Trace, those shoes will do nothing for your arches.

Happy Homoween!

I hope all of you lovely boys and girls will have fun trick or treating.  If you get lonely on this spooky night -

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and who doesn’t want someone to snuggle with when it gets dark – don’t despair.  There is someone out there for everyone!

Plus, if your not feeling as pretty as you did over the fall – if your like me, you might have put on some winter weight – Halloween is the perfect time for manhunting.  Let a clever costume cover up your physical flaws.  Zitty break-out got you down?  Zombie make-up!  Feeling kind of chubby?  Go as a polar bear!

Plus, Halloween is a GAY holiday. It’s the time of the year when frat boys dress up as Saint Paulie girls, and homos dress up as rugby boys. This is the one day out of the year that you come as you WANT to be – not as you are…

And don’t segregate yourself tonight gentle reader.  Party hop, house hop, bar hop…I’ve found the most erotic luck at straight parties.  You can always find a cute and tipsy straight boy who is daring enough to make-out on Halloween.

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Who will be Mr. Gay USA?  Me? You? Him?

When I was just a young little power-bottom, I watched my older sister win Wingfield, Illinois Miss Dairy, 1993.  She was radiant, she was talented, she let one of the judges diddle her lady-mystery, and she told everyone her biggest opponent had aborted our pastor’s baby. Many people said she strived so hard to get that title because she was competitive.  Some said ’cause she was driven.  But, I knew.  It was cause she was shallow, self-absorbed, and Daddy never told her he loved her.  Damn…I wanted to be her.

Well, now all of us gay boys can….

On Saturday, November 13^th,  Philadelphia will host the hotly anticipated U.S. Mr. Gay competition.  The event brings together contestants (check them out! Orange County, San Diego and San Fran are my favs…) representing many of the country’s most gay cities (wait…Orange County? Virginia Beach? Orange County?)  and hoping bathhouse meccas.  A series of competitive categories (keep your mind out of the gutter…)and performances (I said, keep your mind out of the gutter…) will climax in the naming of the 2011 U.S. Mr. Gay titleholder!  The winner of this competition will go on to compete in International Mr. Gay (IMG).  Plus, get a year of free botox and teeth-whitening!  And maybe, just maybe…Daddy will finally love you!

Gossip columnist Michael Musto, celebrity stylist and reality TV star David Evangelista, four time Emmy-award winning television producer Terence Noonan, and national magazine editor Mr. Mickey headline the  judges’ panel. Lord Almight! Musto better be the judge of something! That weirdo gargoyle couldn’t get a handjob from a blind waterbuffalo.  I bet he at least get a ball scratch from the contestant from Fire Island.

In addition to amazing judges, Sirius OUT Q radio star, Frank DeCaro hosts of the event.  I am sure that bald funny man will have a field day when these sluts are catwalking for dollars.

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While I might be a huge homo, I am no sissy.

In fact, I am a huge sportsmen.  In college, I was a wide receiv – argh! Okay, it’s even to ridiculous for me to keep going with this set-up. Forget the jokes, lets go right to the game…

I promised you some porn a few posts back, and today I am delivering! To help welcome in the fall season, when all ‘real’ men gather around the couch to watch their football hero’s, I’ve picked some super-hot jock porn for you to sample! First up,  hot athletes banging the shit!

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Meet  Brad Star (right) who fucking throttles Dexter Meat in Fall Ballers.  These two “high school jocks” decide to take their rivalry off the field and into the bed. Sweaty cracks and hard ding-dongs continue as the rest of the soccer team and football team follow suit in a ball-grabbing and man-handling extravaganza! This is a great little flick that brings together a bubbling pot of very straight-acting-but-big-ole-bottomy sporty gays who suck it and fuck it and generally hump their jockstraps silly.  It’s all-American perversion at its very best, and you’ll feel like you watched an episode of Friday Night Lights as directed by Chi Chi La Rue.

On the other side of the field we have the mindblowing Jock Itch! Billed as the first video for sports gear fanatics, this baby has got it all.  Any sport or sport equipment or sports attire fetish you might keep tucked back in the dirty little corners of your mind – will ADORE this raunchy locker room sexshow.  Watch as tattoos get mashed up against tight abs and salads get tossed as cocks get sucked. It’s a frothy and fantastic fiesta.

So popular and hot was the original Jock Itch, that they’ve rushed out a horny little sequel: Jock Itch 2: Balls To The Wall .  So if you want to have a real game-day Sunday with a double-header, then buy/rent/steal the duo and really score big.

Meet McFly!  This boner-time band is from Britian.  The band consists of Tom Fletcher (lead vocals and guitar), Danny Jones (lead vocals and guitar), Dougie Poynter (backing vocals and bass guitar) and Harry Judd (drums).  The band rose to fame in the U.K. after fellow pop band Busted helped launch them by inviting them to tour in March 2004. And yes, the band’s name originates from the character Marty McFly from the Back to the Future trilogy.

While McFly’s popularity is still climbing here in the U.S. You might remember them from their appearance in tge film Just My Luck, starring Lindsay “Not A Cokehead”  Lohan and Chris Pine. The band played themselves in the film and released a US album, Just My Luck, which was also used as the film’s soundtrack.

The images you are about to see…Are SCORCHING hot.  Just BEYOND.  I’ve jerked off twice, called over three GayLiveNetwork tricks, and jumped my cleaning boy.  This is the cover and spread for an upcoming issue of the British magazine, Attitude. Attitude has a good rep beyond just queer niche, the magazine has gotten celebrity exclusive interviews from peeps like Madonna and that Harry Potter kid.  They also must have the ability to hypnotize straight boys into taking off their clothing.   Again, this outlandish behavior proves I need to get off my ass and take a European vacation.

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Where is his hand? Did he slam his willy in the drawer?  Also, I’d love to thank the photogs for making sure someone’s mouth is hanging wide-open in every single pic. Like they are begging to suck it.  (Sorry, I said this was intense)

I'd appreciate a bit more grab ass...

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Last week, I got stranded at the Philadelphia Airport on a layover. I was on my way to Phoenix from Boston, and darn it didn’t USAirways UScareways strand me for hours.  While waiting to get the heck out of town, I leafed through an old issue of their local magazine, Philadelphia Magzine.

wow

Bored to tears with local news, imagine my surprise when I found their HEAVENLY BODIES pictorial! Naked boys!  Got my attention!

Seems the deviants at this magazine collected the best-of-the-best from their local fitness community, and had them pose in the buff.  Surfers, tennis players, yoga bitches, muscle boys – there is something for everyone.

My attention was drawn to Gavin, here at your right.  Gavin owns a gym in Philadelphia called Fusion Cross-Training. I’m planning on stalking him there the next time I roll through the City of Brotherly Love.  I don’t normally get all ga-ga for gym rats, but there is something about this fellow that stirs my loins.  Maybe it is the wild mix of Beatles haircut and rippling muscles.  Or that determined look on his face. Or that I’m always horny. I dunno, but something really does it for me.

Plus, I absolutely have to freakin’ know what his willy looks like.  Why isn’t it peaking through the whole in his weight?   Where is it?  Is it small and shrunken? Is it taped to his leg? Did he do a tuck-job like Buffalo Bill?  Where is his whopper?  Did someone eat it?  Is he well muscled-intersex? What is going on here? Please don’t have a small one Gavin!  If you do, I’m hoping you will bottom.

Now beyond trying to hump this gent, I’m also visually working the other boys.  Check out the other boys (and girls) in the spread…Especially dancer Sergio Torrado… Hubba-hubba!  If Gavin doesn’t have a penis, I bet Sergio does.  In fact, I might hedge my bets and just stalk the both of them.