Loud and Queer

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Boy, do I feel bad for Justin Bieber’s PR team. Their pussies must be sore from all the media-whoring the kid is going through right now. Honestly, every day Bieb’s is in the news.

First he’s accused of fathering a child. (Did his testicles even drop yet?)

Then dyke country-singer K.D. Lang says he looks like a lesbian and dubs him “hot as shit.”  (Let that one sink in for a few minutes….Disturbing, right?)

Now, The Sun, Britian’s premier tabloid, is reporting that Biebs was partying it up with the gays!.

The UK rag claims after winning two awards at the MTV EMAs on Sunday night, Bieber partied at Kremlin, “Europe’s Hottest Gay Venue,”, in Belfast, Northern Ireland.  DUM-DUM-DUM!  Here is what an inside source whispered:

“Justin managed to shake off the thousands of fans who were following him around the city… He went to the official MTV party at the Europa hotel with his girlfriend Selena Gomez before being smuggled out in secret… The Beliebers were left waiting outside the front of the hotel hoping for a glimpse but he slipped through a side entrance used for kitchen deliveries and later left the same way.”

Honestly, this is great. I love love love love when straighties roam into gay bars. Sure, it makes me a little anxious and jealous – but it is great to see that gay acceptance has grown so much that celebs can shake off the shackles and get down with the homos.  Biebs certainly wouldn’t be the first straight male celeb to have a little fun at a gay bar. My two biggest celeb crushes, Zac Efron and Prince Harry, have also partied in gay joints.  Bring on the straights!  Hope they get a little curious!

Bergen County's Finest!

I am sure that like me, so me of you have a thing for men in uniform…

Imagine how hot the fire in my crotch became when I received these pics.

Apparently, they are of the Bergen County Sheriff’s Department….But, I can’t verify that since their website seems to be only about crime stuff.  The boring, non-SVU kind of crime too.  No sexy.

But, I found Sheriff Leo P. McGuire on Facebook, and while a handsome man – he doesn’t look like any of these fellows.

After endless hours of Googling my brain off…I can’t seem to find ANYTHING that verifies who, what, where, when and the how-long of these pics.   

I'm FALLING for you...

They could be fakes.

They could be images of an all gay Sheriff’s Department (I’m moving!), they could be a nice calendar shoot for horny soccer Moms in the Jersey area.  I dunno.  I give up!

You fat donut-eating flatfoot. You make me sick. Gross.

The source who sent these pics is also completely useless.  Sent by a high school girlfriend of mine, she sent them along the “forward” trail, they came from another lonely housewife she gabs with on AOL. (Who uses AOL anymore?  Hello, dated!).  So, I turn to you dear readers…

Fully Loaded!

Don't be shy, come into the frame!

Can anyone shed any light on this little mystery?

Who are these boys?

Why are they running around without shirts?

What is the best crime for me to commit in Bergen to get a chance to suckle on one of their nipples?

So, until we can find out the truth behind these pics – I am content to live in a fantasy world.  I will just imagine that Bergen County has hired the hottest fighting force this side of the X-Men.

Now, I’m off to set a new Honda Accord land-speed record on the New Jersey TurnPike. Are those sirens I hear?

Hi Loud & Queer Readers!

My name is Carter, I’m Dick’s intern.  Dick sent me a garbled text message this morning from Fire Island.  I’m not sure how I can explain it, so I’ll give you the direct quote:

“Dick no home right now, call back later…”

JUSTIN!

Yes, he SENT that to me.  I’m assuming he is still Ascending, so I’ve decided that this my chance at the big time and I’m going to write today’s blog installment!  Now, while I am a Fashion Design major at the Memphis Learning Annex, I have been mentored by Dick over the last several months in all things a gay blogger needs to know…So, here is my first blog post!  About my favorite musician!  Justin Bieber!

If your not a Bieber Baby, you might have missed this stunning news! Paramount Pictures, MTV Films, Insurge Pictures and Island Def Jam Music Group have jointly announced that director Jon M. Chu (“Step-Up 2: The Streets,” “Step-Up 3D,” The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers,) and the Magical Elves producing team of Jane Lipsitz and Dan Cutforth (Project Runway, Top Chef) will join forces to direct & produce  Justin’s feature film debut.  My heart is racing so fast! I am so excited!

Scooter Braun, Island Def Jam Music Group Chairman LA Reid, and Grammy winning singer Usher will produce the currently untitled film that will give fans around the world an exclusive VIP backstage pass into the life, loves, lusts, and lady-boys of Justin. OMG OMG!  To make this blockbuster even more busting – Paramount will release the movie in the U.S. on Valentine’s weekend 2011!  Will you be my Valentine, Justin?

“When I was approached about doing Justin’s film, I jumped at the opportunity to tell a story with honesty and heart.  Most people don’t know that his is a true underdog story, and I hope to tell it in a compelling, genuine way, using all source materials available to convey his tale of becoming an icon for this digital age.   This is the story of a new voice continuing the tradition of musicians that defined their generation,” said Director Jon M. Chu.

According to the PR flacks at Paramount – USC alum Chu has been at the helm of several  projects, including the sequel and latest installment of the popular “Step Up” dance franchise, and the #1 ranked original Hulu web-series The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers (The LXD) from Paramount Digital Entertainment.  I’ve never heard of any of these projects, but I know that Justin would ONLY work with the very BEST people.  And, I’m sure Chu is a really nice guy too.  Justin is so friendly, he wouldn’t let a douche do his movie….

Now, I have heard of Magical Elves.  Cause I am a total Project Runway and Top Chef junkie.  I think Tom Colicchio is soooo hot. Since the summer of 2001, Magical Elves has produced hit shows for NBC, Bravo, HBO, Showtime and Oxygen networks as well as produced the cult documentary “Air Guitar Nation”. Creators of some of the most watched reality TV in the last decade, Magical Elves currently has four shows on the air including  Top Chef and Work of Art, Showtime’s The Real L Word and Oxygen’s Dance Your Ass Off.

An Island Def Jam Music Group artist, Bieber is represented by manager Scooter Braun, Nick Styne at CAA and Aaron Rosenberg and Sean Marks at Myman Greenspan Fineman Fox & Light LLP. His first full studio release, My World 2.0, was released in March 2010 and has since achieved huge success; debuting at number one and certified platinum in just 2 months, the album remained number 1 on the charts for four-weeks. He has sold over 5 million albums worldwide to date.  He is my GOD!  My sweet baby-faced God!  Go Justin!