Loud and Queer

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Attention fame-whores!  Under The Boardwalk Productions will hold their first casting calls for the next LGBT reality stars at the end of February in the City of Brotherly Love: Philadelphia. Those chosen will shoot the pilot this coming spring, and if the show is picked up, will be cast to live in a beach house at the New Jersey shore (Atlantic City, Ventnor, or Margate) for the coming summer, along with other exclusively LGBT castmates. The series is true reality; think Jersey Shore for homosexuals! Who wouldn’t want to be on that show?

The two sets of auditions will be held at Woody’s Bar. The first will be for those 18 through 20 years old, and will be held beginning at 4:00 PM on Wednesday, Feb 23rd. For those 21 and older who wish to audition, auditions will take place beginning at 2:00 PM on Saturday, February 26th. The audition is a simple videotaped interview.  And a complete STD screening. Sadly, if you don’t have some virus – you will not be getting on this show.  Try Toddlers and Tiaras….

Under the Boardwalk will be produced by Kate Siegel and Laura Bennett, and directed by Emmy-nominated director Kim Friedman. (Are they lesbians? Fabulous fruit-flys? Neither? Do you care?) The girls STRESS that they are not looking to be the LGBT version of the “Jersey Shore,”  but are instead focusing on finding new and original LGBT reality stars, characters that have never before been seen on television.

“We envision it to be a very sophisticated show; with each character having a unique and fresh take on the world; with the fact that they are LGBT providing the community and context,” says Friedman.  HA!  Oh Kim. Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim….Nobody wants that.  We want trainwrecks.  Give us a gay cross between Lisa Vanderpump and The Situation.  Please.  Think A-List but with less class and more money.

Other auditions are planned for New York and Atlantic City.

Bergen County's Finest!

I am sure that like me, so me of you have a thing for men in uniform…

Imagine how hot the fire in my crotch became when I received these pics.

Apparently, they are of the Bergen County Sheriff’s Department….But, I can’t verify that since their website seems to be only about crime stuff.  The boring, non-SVU kind of crime too.  No sexy.

But, I found Sheriff Leo P. McGuire on Facebook, and while a handsome man – he doesn’t look like any of these fellows.

After endless hours of Googling my brain off…I can’t seem to find ANYTHING that verifies who, what, where, when and the how-long of these pics.   

I'm FALLING for you...

They could be fakes.

They could be images of an all gay Sheriff’s Department (I’m moving!), they could be a nice calendar shoot for horny soccer Moms in the Jersey area.  I dunno.  I give up!

You fat donut-eating flatfoot. You make me sick. Gross.

The source who sent these pics is also completely useless.  Sent by a high school girlfriend of mine, she sent them along the “forward” trail, they came from another lonely housewife she gabs with on AOL. (Who uses AOL anymore?  Hello, dated!).  So, I turn to you dear readers…

Fully Loaded!

Don't be shy, come into the frame!

Can anyone shed any light on this little mystery?

Who are these boys?

Why are they running around without shirts?

What is the best crime for me to commit in Bergen to get a chance to suckle on one of their nipples?

So, until we can find out the truth behind these pics – I am content to live in a fantasy world.  I will just imagine that Bergen County has hired the hottest fighting force this side of the X-Men.

Now, I’m off to set a new Honda Accord land-speed record on the New Jersey TurnPike. Are those sirens I hear?