Over this weekend, infamous and unstoppable party promoter John Blair crawled out of obscurity and opened up a new club: XL. IN NEW YORK! A brand-new, farm-fresh, ready for your steady, club. A big, old-school, C-L-U-B.
See kids, back in the OLDEN DAYS, clubs were much different animals then the shit we got going now. The joints that call themselves clubs? Not so much. No New Yorkers, Eastern Bloc is NOT a club. Yes New Yorkers, Splash is (sadly) a club. Clubs are big, have multiple bars, a huge dance floor (or two), drug dealers by the dozen, and plenty of shit going on at every turn. Hot shit. Dirty shit. Nasty shit.
When I was a naive and handsome little queer, I used to shake my pussy at clubs like Club USA (legendary!), the Palladium (Club MTV was filmed there!) Limelight (See the movie Party Monster for the details) Twilo (the tippy-tippy-top) Sound Factory (meh) and Crobar NY (cheese-EEEEEE).
These were clubs.
They were so big you could actually sneak a smoke inside without people knowing. Oh who am I kidding, I don’t smoke. I meant bump. BUMP. God, those were the good old days.
Now, when I need to dance in NY, I’m stuck going to these tiny little crack-dens. Places where I am fighting for floor space with some urban hipster and fat drag queen. No thanks.
Alright, enough about the history of glamourous nightlife. This weekend, they opened a gigantic new gay club in NYC. It is the first large club opening in a long time, and damn sure the first big old gay club in COMPLETELY gay club in even longer. The space is all decked out with the latest gadgety stuff in lights, sound systems, and other fancy-schmancy stuff. Even with all that stuff, the joint does feel like its from a low-gone era. It is totally retro. It does feel dated. Yes, its kinda tacky. No, scratch that… It is TACKY. Super tacky.
But who cares? I don’t give a shit. Do I agree with all the reviews? Yup. You want to know what this hoe-down is like? Read HERE. It’s probably the best description of the joint I have read. Dead on.
But all this bitching and blabbing is completely missing the boat. Who fucking cares if this new club looks like the after-birth from Studio 54′s botched abortion. (And I mean the movie, not even the club…) Who cares! We got a new club, dickbags! Celebrate it!
The economy has been in the crapper for so long, so very very long. Clubs are not the world’s greatest investments either. (Unless your skimming, wink-wink.) So banks and money-barons have not been handing out the loot to people who want to open big dance joints. Especially if they are gay!
I think everyone needs to shut=the-fuck-up about the decor, the music, the lines…Whatever…Just suck it up. The club doesn’t have to be the one for YOU. It might not appeal to your karma every night, and maybe not any night. But all of us gays should get down on our hands and knees and thank the Disco Gods for sending us something! ‘Cause you know, if this one is popular – their will be more following it!
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